A Memory Is A Terrible Thing to Lose

I am really impressed by Cory's first blog. He tells an incredible story. By the way, "incredible" has a definition of "not reliable; not to be believed." Sadly, that summarizes Cory's blog. It is true that I have committed to the stupid plans described by Mr. Brundage, but any of his suggestions that "we" had these ideas is the product of a troubled, deluded memory. (Lest you think I am exaggerating Cory's delusional behavior, the picture below is just one of many examples of his tendency to wander aimlessly toward certain death.)

Let me tell you what really happened.

Starting at the beginning, this is all Cory's fault. If he had had the good sense to remain the pathetic invalid I had come to expect, none of this would be happening. You see, after running 6 marathons in 25 months in the mid-90's, including a 3:00:08 marathon in Ohio and two Boston Marathons, our Mr. Brundage had spent the next 12 years finding ever-increasingly-unlikely ways to injure himself. So when he came up with the idea of running the 2008 Boston Marathon at age 60, I thought it was "cute." Like when a little boy tells you he's going to be a pirate when he grows up. (Or, in my case, when my little girl decided that she was going to be a pirate when she grew up.) You know it's not going to happen, but you play along. "Great idea, sweetheart. You'll be the best pirate ever!" So, thoughtlessly, I encouraged Cory in what I thought was a harmless delusion. If only I had seen where it was heading . . .

Well, Cory seemed to be living up to my expectations. As Exhibit A for the Buddhist belief that "Life is Suffering" he managed to hurt himself 8 weeks before the 2007 New York City Marathon (his intended qualifying marathon for Boston) and couldn't run more than 6 miles at a time. So surely that was the end of this story.

Certainly, if there were any justice in this world it would have been. But I am convinced that Mr. Brundage has opted to avoid justice through some despicable alliance with Satan, because he not only finished the marathon, but qualified for Boston with 5 minutes to spare.

So on to Boston in 2008, where Cory ran 26 minutes faster than his New York City time, finishing 31st in his age group. He followed that up at the Fargo Marathon this year with what he called "a good time." Yeah, and Angelina Jolie is okay to look at. What he actually did was to win his age group and run the fastest age-adjusted marathon of his life--an age-adjusted 2:40 marathon. So, yes, I am now sure that ownership to Cory's soul is now held by the Dark One. Still, if I could be as fast as him, . . .

Anyway, that should be the end of this woeful tale. Cory comes back from years of degeneracy and disgusting excess to prevail over all others. If he had any grasp on reality, he would have realized that he had succeeded beyond anything he could have hoped for, and committed to spending the rest of his days boring all those around him with the story of his triumphs at New York, Boston and Fargo. Why, instead, he came up with the insanity which he refers to as "The Plan," I can't explain. You have already read his description of that lunacy, and have no doubt said to yourself, "Could these guys be any more nuts?" To which I'd have to respond, "No, not really." Of all the stupid things I have ever done, The Plan is the Sir Isaac Newton of stupid ideas. It does, in fact, stand on the shoulders of the Giants of Stupidity.

So, what is my message to you, the reader? Simply this. No matter how many bad choices you have made in your life, Cory's and my pursuit of The Plan will convince you that you could have done worse. Welcome to our Ill-Advised Adventure.

THE PLAN

  Ok, here's how it all got started. Jim ran in the Leadville trail 100 in August, 2009. I went out to crew for him. I'd been injured the year before and had recovered but had lost momentum for running and had degenerated pretty far down the evolutionary scale. Jim, on the other hand was his usual super-fit self.
 Leadville has to be the toughest 100 miler going. The percentage of finishers there (less than 50%) is way lower than at  the Western States 100 or any other 100. Unfortunately, Jim drew the hottest day they've ever had for the race and called it a day after 50 brutal miles. Heat is to Jim as light is to Dracula. He wisely resolved to return and fight another day. This is Jim, blisters, scabs, scars and all after a hell of an effort.

Watching him soldier up and over mountains for fourteen hours shamed me into getting off my increasingly pudgy butt and lace 'em up again.

      

     Our training went well in the fall and into the spring of 2010. We did the Sam Costa, a small half marathon in Carmel, Indiana in March for a tune-up and then did pretty well in the Indianapolis half marathon ("the Mini") in early May. Three weeks later we headed to Fargo for a marathon. (Fargo's city motto: "We're so nice it's spooky").

     We both had  good days at Fargo and qualified for Boston in 2011. The only problem was that left us with eleven months with nothing to do but train, clearly more than our  limited attention spans could handle. Our minds began to wander. Doing the Indy half marathon again was a no-brainer since that's our home town but that's pretty much old hat to us by now. Besides, that's a couple weeks after Boston and didn't really give us anything new or exciting to think about. We started trolling the inter web to find something just a little more exotic than Fargo.

      I was talking to this South African guy who owns a running store in Indy (Ashley Johnson--he was a world class runner and South African Olympian. He and his wife Andrea, herself an accomplished  runner, own the Running Company in partnership with Bob Kennedy, past US record holder at 3,000 meters, 2 miles, and 5,000 meters.) We were talking about Alberto Salazar and how he had a spectacular come-back race and won the legendary Comrades Marathon in South Africa in 1994. Actually, Comrades is not just a marathon. At fifty-six miles and 18,000 participants it's by far the oldest and largest ultra marathon in the world. It's a point to point race and every year they run it in the opposite direction. One way's mostly up hill and, of course, the other is mostly down. It's held In late May, which means we couldn't do it until next year after Boston and Indy. Next year it's the up hill route. Now there's a challenge.

     It certainly meets the exotic requirement and, since we'd be in good shape after Boston, why not? We added Comrades to our list. Then we got to thinking. We'll be in Africa, we'll be in killer shape, we'll never be any closer to Tanzania and we'll never be any younger (although we do seem to get better looking every day, Jim's Leadville picture notwithstanding.) The next step was obvious---Kilimanjaro. We could take a week or so to recover from Comrades, preferably somewhere at altitude to prepare us for the 19,000 foot climb, and then let 'er rip. It takes somewhere from five to seven days to make the climb, depending on the route. That would put us somewhere around mid-June when we get back to the States. Then we got to thinking. We'll be in great shape, we'll be used to steep terrain, and we'll be adjusted to altitude. Now what could we do with that? Great shape, used to climbing, adjusted to altitude, hmm...? LEADVILLE!  August, 2011. One hundred miles starting at 10,200 feet and going over 12,600 foot Hope Pass --twice. Thirty hours to finish.  At thirty hours a man comes out to the finish line with a gun. He turns his back so he can't see who's stumbling, staggering, falling, or crawling inches away from the tape and, exactly at ten a.m., he shoots his gun. That's it. Race over. If you haven't crossed the Iine by then, they don't know you. You are DNF even if you've made it 99.9 miles.  Make it and you get a belt buckle. Come up short and you get to see that guy's back. Those mountain people are tough.

     So, we had a plan. The only problem was it still didn't  start until Boston 2011. What to do until then? A little more web searching and the answer was easy: The JFK 50 on November 20, 2010 in Maryland. Sixteen miles on the Appalachian Trail, 26+ on the Chesapeake and Ohio tow path next to the Potomac River, and eight final miles on country roads. Twelve hours to finish. Our Fargo times got us in. (Qualifiers are called "Elite Citizen Athletes" by the organizers, a nice touch.) After the JFK there's the Huff, a fifty K trail run Huntington, Indiana in mid- December.

      After that, we'll still have four months until Boston. We may add some more races if they tickle our fancies or stroke our fantasies or whatever. We're open to any suggestions.

    So, that's it. That's the plan. Sometimes it feels a little ambitious but the more we think about it, the more doable it seems. A lot of people do these events every year and if they can do it we can too. I think. Anyway, we'll never be any younger and we'll never know unless we try so, why not? It ought to be a hoot.