Facing Facts

If you have read my previous posts, you may have come to the conclusion that I have one, dull schtik that I keep falling back on--namely, an exaggeration of how pathetic and decrepit I am. Yep, you spotted my only metier. Of course, I'm not as broken-down and worthless as I pretend. I do actually train between these races we report on, and during that training I do actually stave off the slide to abject slug-dom.


So today I come clean. All exaggeration and false modesty aside, how fit or unfit am I actually?


I think the following picture will answer that question better and more honestly than whatever I might say:

I hope that answers any questions you might have.

What's that?

You say that's not a picture of me?

Of course it's not! It's a picture of disgraced New York congressman Christopher Lee.

And doesn't that make my point? When you wonder whether I'm really as prone to bad decisions as I pretend to be, what could be a clearer answer than that picture? "Compared to some folks, I'm a genius."

But now I have another decision to make. No, it does not involve Craigslist.

Where I teach has its spring break three weeks from now. That would be a sensible time to run a qualifying marathon for the Comrades Marathon. (I have a qualifying time already, but it qualifies me to start near the back, where I belong, rather than near the front, where I can perpetuate a fraudulently inflated version of myself. So should I just accept what I deserve? Come on, man! You know me better than that.)

But if I am going to run a marathon in 3 weeks, I should change my training, mainly by running less.

On the other hand, the week of spring break would be a good time to do a really long run--say, 45 miles--because I can take all day if I need to, and can lie around in bed all the next day.

However, I probably shouldn't try to do both.

According to well-placed sources in the entertainment industry, Lindsey Lohan has declared that if I were to do both, that would be "irresponsible." Well, she went on to add, "unless necessary to avoid court-ordered drug testing." And since I'm not subject to court-ordered drug testing, not since the judge's ruling was overturned on appeal on a technicality (thanks, Cory--just send my your bill), I'm thinking I won't do both.

My Let's-Think-This-Through Role Model

So, I've got some serious decision-making to do this weekend. Luckily for me, there's a package store just down the street. What better way to decide things than through a stupor?! Because I think Will Shakespeare said it best. He was referring to marriage, but it works just as well for decision-making:

"Let us not to the true impediment of decision-making admit minds." Yep, I can go with that.